Sacrifice and salvation :
on sacrifice, salvation, and surrender
"Back in the pious and puerile years of my becoming, I had not only uttered ďThy Will be doneĒ on numerous occasions, without, at first, knowing the absoluteness of what that actually implied, but I also committed a sacrifice, by offering to God something which I cherished, as a trade so as to benefit another who was in great pain at the time. That was when I came to understand very quickly the power such an invitation possessed, for I had given up something, something dear and precious to me- in an attempt to help another. I did so because, at that time, I could do no other. I had no strength to stand in the face of human misery. If someone near me was suffering, I suffered as well. I had no walls, and that made me a perfect candidate for Christ to come flying in...
I believe that sacrifice, which I made without ever intending to ignite Christís chastening upon me, was the key which unlocked the door to many of the events which followed. Though, looking back, I am not certain whether I performed any sacrifice at all. For since all and everything is an emanation of the One Godhead, nothing is separate, nor is possessed by a person which does not belong already, and firstly, to God, and therefore there is no sacrifice possible, but only a giving back what is not ours in the first place.
No matter, I soon found myself asked to undertake a number of endeavors which were always confusing and hard to follow, though I followed as best I could. What I gather from my learnings is that we redeem others by ceasing to exist ourselves. What I mean is that once we are in contact with God, there is nothing left to do but be absent, and thus let God do as God will. To serve the Christ, then, is nothing more than self-elimination, and deserves no applause, and no praise, because it requires no talent, no decency, and no honorable characteristics. I should know, because I am a sinner.
However, in learning about the new non-role which I had been bequeathed, I was beginning to understand why life in the world had been so troublesome, so hazardous, and so futile to me. I was beginning to understand the horrible truth about vicarious atonement, about how in our emptiness we offer a void to all who are full of anguish, anger, and woe, and in doing so we become their anguish, anger, and woe. This was something which I soon realized I was not interested in, and so I had to find a way to keep one door open, and the other door closed.
In the midst of mankindís confusion, I had to become like a one-way valve, empty and open to God within, and yet shielded and guarded against the chaos without; I had to let God out onto the world, but not let the world back into me.
That was the trick, to be like a physician in a leperís den- to touch without being touched myself. Because to let God pull another out of the claws of death, through me, meant to go down into their death without dying, and to care for them without caring for them. It was to hold a line between life and death, upon which to let God regularly descend and ascend, and slowly, ever slowly, coax them back up, while never turning away from life myself, never changing my direction nor stride but only for a second to stop, let God go down into them for a moment, and then climb back up while I was still living. Only in this way could they be whisked out of the clutches of the reaper.
For to redeem another without incurring trespass is to witness non-division with humility; it is to stand amongst them in your emptiness, to look them in the eyes without yourself, so that their God within can awaken, and their love can spill forth everywhere."
Books by Jack Haas
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