The apocalypse, euthanasis, God, pain and love, the soul, compassion, and truth

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It was all chaotic, all misunderstood, all such a great distance from truth because the darkness now almost wholly ensconces the light. What I write now is not a story, but a requiem. This life is death and we don't even know it. The next apocalypse will be an act of euthanasia.

Even the worst sorrows of mankind cannot come near to what we have lost. Good God how horrible it truly is. If you only knew. But perhaps that would be too much for you. It is too much for anyone. I found out without intending. And I broke, fell dead, rose up, and am finished with the business of living.

Nothing here but pain and darkness. When you find out what love is, then you know how hollow the rest of life is without it, and then you seek only to love and do no other, and that is why you will forever be an outcast from a world of unlove.

Try as you might, quivering hero- and let me tell you ...I tried. It is over and just beginning for us here on earth. The spirited soul is painfully alive in this death, and dead in this life.

That is why life is unbearable- because the will to truth and love is vanishing. And that leaves only lies and sorrow. And the rest of you can have it.

When you have given witness to the horrors of our souls and have tried your best to heal them, when you have offered yourself for a trade, that is as much as can be done for the wound. After your fullest compassion, pull away from such solicitous care, and let god clean up his own damned mess.

***

These selected fragments are excerpted from unpublished writings by Jack Haas; selections from the notebooks 1990-2005.