Gracious anger, the maze, infinity, driftwood, darkness, and being Godless and God

***

A rich man scattering his coins at the serfs in a fit of gracious anger.

In this nebulous maze that is myself, validity is simply my ability to evade myself for long enough that I even forget I am hiding.

One might not even know they are in an infinite maze. One could walk their whole life in one erroneous direction and not even come upon the dead‑end that would inform them to go back, that this is not the way. So one must be readily willing to turn back. And yet one never knows, because of such infinity, whether the passageway is right or not, so one must never turn back.

You know nothing of life but how to avoid it.

As if the uncalculated arrangement of driftwood, on a northern, windswept beach... mattered.

Dost thou envision unrequitted ambivalence.

Everyone searches for the source of the light, but none inquire from where comes the darkness.

We are messages to ourselves.

You must be strong enough to be Godless, or meek enough to be God.

***

These fragments are taken from unpublished writings by Jack Haas, selected from the notebooks 1990-2005.