Human heinous atrocities, the beast within, forgiveness, and gratitude

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             I would find myself in a fit of righteous indignation at the thought of the mistreatment of one person to another, wondering how it was possible that my fellow man could commit such heinous atrocities. I sensed that those who were most fragmented inside seemed to cause everyone else, including the animals, only further separation from the whole. These were the type of people who were the greatest stumbling blocks I encountered, and yet they were perhaps my greatest teachers as well, for they made me want to get to the bottom of the wretched creature which I also was, to see myself completely, without an iota hidden or disguised so as to make myself appear more inwardly palatable. I wanted to witness- to be- the ogre I knew lived inside of me, as in all others. And when I found that grotesque villain- who still hid within me- the one whom had been staring out through my eyes and casting destruction and judgment down on his fellow creatures, I was horrified.

            It is humiliating to find the beast within you, but it is the only way not to send it out at others, as I had done, unconsciously, and for which I had paid brutally because of these aggressive psychic acts which I had not known I was committing.

            Were it not for the law of forgiveness we would all be prisoners for eternity. What I had unknowingly sent out into the ether, due to the agony and ignorance within me, I had to admit to, retract, attempt to do better, and to beg pardon for my horrid ways. But I say now that redemption from that spiritual prison in which I was being held comes to anyone who honestly sees their errors and seeks return. And the sure sign of freedom, as I stated earlier, is gratitude.

            This is not to say that I then found myself swimming in a warm pool of acceptance and unreserved affection for all others the moment of my pardon. Not in this world.

***

These fragments and quotes are taken from the unpublished writings of Jack Haas, selected from the notebooks 1990-2005.