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Individuality, rebellion from God, Lucifer, Narayana, St. Paul, the shadow, and Christ

excerpted from OM, baby! a pilgrimage to the eternal self, by Jack Haas



           Having finally connected the transcendental, Father spirit, with the immanent, Mother soul, during our stay in Goa, I dreamt a dream one night in which I was told that I was “helping Narayana.”

            I awoke and was somewhat befuddled, as I had no prior knowledge of that name. Soon enough, however, I learned from a book on Hindu mythology that Narayana is an uncommon name for Vishnu, but was originally a pseudonym for Brahma. Therefore I realized I was being told that my self was casting light on the Self; that is, I was helping God the Father become intimate with God the Mother.

            From this experience, as well as other supporting intuitions and dreams from my past, I know that the microcosmic self is an essential component to the cosmic control of this realm. And by that I mean that humans are not mere recipients of divine design and decree, we are also necessary, integral, valuable and powerful aspects of the whole. In this sense every individual has a voice and power to shift the entire universe, for God requires man in order to understand and modify the nature of being.

            As aspects of the God and Goddess, we are intimately connected with the whole. There is no division. If we scream in anguish, our Godselves hear us. If we raise a cheer, our Godselves rejoice. If we give thanks, or Godselves are humbled.

Individuality and universality are essential; the leaf is the tree is the leaf; everything is of the same whole, but that whole is made healthy through differentiation. This is the ecology of spirit, wherein due to the interdependence of all beings, the greater the diversity of individuals, the greater is the strength of the whole.

I know now that God must assume my experience in the assumption of my self, just as I assume God’s in the descent of the Self, for we are one. I am God experiencing my creation. I have survived the perilous descent into flesh, and now am like a distant colonialist with a direct phone-line to the monarchy.

But don’t get the idea that the dominoes of wholeness fell in perfect pattern right out before me, nor that things went smoothly and in harmony for me. I have attempted to relate the glories and gore as they persisted side by side for me.

Things rarely go smoothly on this plane. There is always a push, and a push back. And though I was often at peace and accepting of the generous guidance I was given, I was at times equally discontented and enraged. And yet I do not count these supposed lesser human qualities as negative, for to block the flow of emotions is to inhibit the motions coming to and through you. In fact, at times rage is more divine than acquiescence, and confusion more appropriate than certitude.

It is hard not to be dissatisfied. I should know, for I have attained immortality, and still I am dissatisfied. However, to realize this lack of satisfaction, built into the human disposition, is to come to a certain type of peace. Not the peace of the transcendent Self, but rather a human peace; a limited peace that is a consolation in a sea of human unpeace.

            I say therefore, in humility, that if at times I engaged selflessly in service to the greater cause, I also turned often enough with great frustration against the light, and pushed forward towards my own soul’s needs, with more than a little might. But in the end I realized that God needs this form of creative rebellion, for we are the ones in the living now of life, and only in true response and true expression of our true feelings do we convey the reality of this realm to the consciousness of God, the Father, and to the soul of God, the Mother. Only in loving our inner souls do we mature in our relationship with our divine parents. Only when we love ourselves can we truly love God.

            If my spirit and soul raged or rebelled against God, it was only so that I could become more like God, and therefore become one with God, for God is neither dependent nor independent, God is an interdependent One. In order for God to be all, all must have the courage to be God. Unity is diversity.

            Thus it is healthy to rebel against God, for God learns through us also. We expand God by becoming God, not by laying down in lazy surrender. In becoming God we add to God, we do not divide God. Pour a bucket of water into the ocean, and the ocean remains a great sea, only now it is one bucket larger. This is true devotion: to become ourselves so completely, so guiltlessly- even if it means rebelling and raging against God- that in our wholeness we become God, and so add to the God we had just rejected.

            This is the fire by which the blade is forged, the struggle from which the muscle grows strong, the poison which is also the cure. At times, to stand against God is to become one with God, as Saul turned St. Paul proved to us many centuries ago.

Only that which stands apart from God creates a shadow; the sun radiates only light, and only that which detaches from the sun becomes an ‘object’ which creates a shadow.

            However, to become separate from God- to create a shadow- and then to re-integrate that separateness and shadow back into God, is to expand the Godhead beyond its original radiance.

            Thus Lucifer- the light bearer- who has fallen away from God, is then reintegrated back into the One.

The light pours into us from outside. The dark pushes out of us from within. But as we deny ourselves and allow only the outside light to push its way in, and do not allow the dark within to push its way out, whatever is inside of us becomes repressed, ugly, and angry.

            It is only when we honor our inner beings- the dark, mysterious self behind the eyes- and push back against the external, that we develop a sacred space within ourselves, and attain to a great inner emptiness and peace.

The parts deny the whole, the parts rebel against the whole, and yet the parts fulfill the whole.

This is unity in diversity. This is individuation and union; to merge oneself into the all, become all, and yet remain distinct enough to be individual- an integrated aspect of the whole, an eternal part of the eternal whole, a unique self in a sea of Self, an immortal, inviolable, recognizable pattern in the carpet of the cosmos.

            To become such is to be like an eternal rock in the ephemeral river of life.

            This is the solve et coagula stage of alchemy, wherein the macrocosmic, ethereal self condenses into the diamond body, and one becomes individually ‘established’ in eternity.

            To get to the inviolable distillate of the subtle self, and then condense it down into a novel eternity, is indeed like smelting invisible gold out of gross ore; to do so is to crystallize the invisible God within, out of the grosser apparitions, and so to become an actualized, separate eternity; an infinite island of self, in the boundless ocean of Self.

            This is alchemical individuation- the creation of the indestructible diamond body, the ascension into the eternal realm, the apotheosis of the profane self, the addition of a permanent spice into the great stew of being, distinct but not separate, an inimitable lotus blooming above the illimitable mire.

            Thus only the inner maverick makes it across into nothingness with yet his small self still in tact. Only the maverick transports eternity into now, infinity into the infinite, the ocean into the drop. Because the maverick has broken free from the paradigm, and yet remains within the paradigm in order to transform it. This is the renegade within who is Christ.

Only such ones, who are not of the paradigm, but are of themselves, can be in the paradigm unscathed. Belief in oneself is the only validation of one’s eternity. To know and to be. In and of. 

The microcosm is the actualized, manifest tension between macrocosmic energies. To exist as a microcosmic eternity is to be a living nexus between dynamic forces, and therefore to ever be pushed and pulled within by invisible struggles. This is to be outside of duality and the battle between opposed energies, but therefore to be the battlefield itself.


excerpted from:


visionary art, acrylic painting, Lilith, Sophia Goddess, author Jack Haas India



OM, baby! a pilgrimage to the eternal self

by Jack Haas

author Jack Haas, Canadian, American writer, artist, photographer

















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