God's chastening, God's wrath, God's Love, and the tribulations of following your spiritual call:
why pain and confusion are a part of the healing.
   
     The following excerpt is from
IN, AND OF: memoirs of a mystic journey, by Jack Haas, "The Kerouac of the new millennium." (FW)
    During my second year in Vancouver I had a dream in which I was being held down and helplessly pinned. I had the feeling of being absolutely immobilized by an incredibly strong weight, to the point that it felt as if I was going to be crushed and smothered.
      I awoke in a panic and with a dreadful sense of being oppressed, and yet at the end of the dream, just upon awakening, I knew that the oppressor ...was God.
      This ambiguity sat quite strange within me. I couldn't figure it out, because God was supposed to be a loving liberator, not an amorphous despot, and yet I could not deny what I had experienced. Nor did I know then what sort of forceful and ruthless chastening this dream actually portended. But over the next eight years or so, I was unavoidably going to find out.
      I'm thinking that this visitation, so to speak, may have come ...due to my own introspection and questioning and an all consuming need to come to peace or freedom somehow, which created a window for God to look in and see a little maggot writhing about with a few books in front of him and a strong desire to grow wings and fly off of the stool. And that might have been enough to set the old curmudgeon after me.
     In fact, I realized only after the terrible smelling salts had been administered that in the very desire to be a worthy part of this magical thing called life, I had released an army of angels, spirits, forces, or what have you, upon my limited being and destiny, and from that point onward all I could do was hang on and live it out, for a decision had been made, with or without my consent, I am not sure, but I am sure that life began to take on a glorious and yet arduous twist, because from then on I was never prepared for what was going to be asked of me, nor what was going to be given nor taken away.
      I turn away now at times when I see others in the first throes of the ghost's descent, because it is a horrible sight to witness God's initial penetration into a person's well ordered and heavily guarded life, for the games will soon be done away with, the frivolity and entertainments are finished, and all the little hiding places are now ruthlessly exposed in the light.
      It is hard for people to accept that their Good God is responsible for a great deal of their pain. Though this is not done in malice, but rather like a parent who watches their child run out into busy traffic time after time, even though the child is told continually not to do it, until finally the parent realizes that if this behavior continues, the child will eventually be hit and killed, and so it is better to take out the whip and the cane and beat them until they'll never do it again rather than let them die because you didn't care enough to hurt them.
      When God comes down like this, and infiltrates into the world, and you can see God passed around like a contagious disease into all the lives of all the unsuspecting people you meet who want nothing more than to continue on with their oblivious lives, you can be sure to witness agony, because the entrance of God into one's life comes at a dear price- and that price is one's life, and the price will be paid, and the house set in order, and the goad which accomplishes this through the traumas, and trials, and troubles which come, is as certain and irrevocable as the rising sun.




Jack Haas is a wilderness explorer, world traveler, and independent researcher and writer. He is the author of four highly acclaimed books:
THE WAY OF WONDER: a return to the mystery of ourselves, ROOTS AND WINGS: adventures of a spirit on earth, THE DREAM OF BEING: aphorisms, ideograms, and aislings, and IN, AND OF: memoirs of a mystic journey.
To see more about IN, AND OF, click on the image


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